FLABinati The Rules

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Rule #1// Re–write the rules

Rule #2// Lead from behind

Rule #3// It’s all about the pie

Rule #4// No excuses, unless you’ve got an excuse

Rule #5// FLAB the man up! (FLAB the woman up too!)

Rule #6// Cake isn't optional, it's essential!

Rule #7// The correct number of cakes to have is C+1 where C is the number of cakes already eaten

Rule #8// Coffee and tea must match the cake choice....

Rule #9// Refer to weight as “potential energy” it’s what makes you go faster down hill, than those with less of it

Rule #10// Represent the FLAB always – any passing cyclist must be greeted with a cheerless “now then”

Rule #11// Riders are to be measured by quantity not quality

Rule #12// Waists and chests are to be measured in inches

Rule #13// Free your waistband and your legs will follow

Rule #14// Enjoy rather than endure

Rule #15// You’ve got a 32? Use it! If you haven’t, get one. *Addendum A 34 is also acceptable as is a triple

Rule #16// All cyclists faster up hill than you shall be referred to as ‘hill whippets’

Rule #17// Fat shall be referred to as potential muscle

Rule #18// When you put on a FLAB jersey you instantly get 30,000 friends*at time of printing. Subject to change

Rule #19// All fellow FLAB wearers will be greeted with an enthusiastic Ey Up/pat on the back/hug

Rule #20// Guide the Bulge

Rule #21// All rides must end with or include a refreshment stop

Rule #22// A FLAB out cycling in any weather is badass

Rule #23// Be self-stufficient - always carry pies

Rule #24// Beer is as a hydration fluid

Rule #25// FLAB kit is for members of the Bulge

Rule #26// Like your tums, saddles should be smooth and comfortable

Rule #27// Cycling efficiency is to be measured in miles per donut

Rule #28// There are only three remedies for hunger:


Rule #29// Join us and be proud

Rule #30// The rules are dead, long live the rules

Rule #31// The correct number of gadgets to own is G + 1 where G is the number of gadgets already owned

With thanks to Velominati and their inspiring collection of The Rules  - To submit your suggestions to our tongue in cheek (should that be pie in cheek?) version, please email fatlads@fatladattheback.com


FLABinati Rules 1 -30